GReeeeN – 僕らの物語 – Bokura no Monogatari – Our Story (Rom – Eng Lyrics)


What if this world is for someone and I am just an extra.
What about my loneliness?
Someone, please tell me.

Every minute, every second of my limited time keeps passing in front or my eyes.
I wonder how many people would cry if I died right now

These feelings I cannot talk about to anyone are ready to break my heart.
I tell myself that one day I will be happy, it’s another sleepless night…

“I will greet the morning.”

I’ll become strong, I’ll become strong.
I keep telling that to myself over and over again!!
We’re all equal when born.
A smile will surely be the start.

All bystanders so far tell all future adventurers:
Become strong, be strong
Until I die

Hey, dad.
You named me.
What was the wish or reason behind it?
Am I as you hoped for…

Really, I don’t know.
I may be, I may be not.
I wonder how nice it would be, if I could just live the perfect life!

The constraints keep increasing.
I pretend I don’t hear anything at all.
My cool head let out a scream!

It’s my voice, it’s my voice!
Can someone hear me?
My scream triggered by loneliness is like my first tear ever shed.

Laugh, just once.
There’s no need to give up.
As long as I live, it’s a war I can survive.
Until I die

Oh yeah
Oh yeah

Even when I’m sad, even when I want to cry, the next day will break for sure.
Even when I’m angry, even when I want to die, the next day will break for sure.

Not giving up, I will show everyone my smile.
I’ll survive, I’ll survive, until I die.

I’ll become strong, I’ll become strong.
I keep telling that to myself over and over again!!
We’re all equal when born.
A tear will surely be the start.

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Good night, Vina

I just watched 괜찮아, 사랑이야. Psychiatry is very new world for me, but so interesting. I learn that trauma can stay in a person with some forms. Now I don’t want to say “that person is crazy” again. Because we are indeed human who always getting hurt and make someone else hurt, and we all are sometimes crazy, with different acts, with different craziness levels. This drama make me realize that when people were faking themselves to be strong person, they are indeed getting weaker. To be strong is realizing that we feel pain, we need others, thats nothing wrong with expressing sadness.
By the way, this drama is about a writer and radio dj with trauma from domestic abuse when he was child. He then met a psychiatrist and developing romantic relationship. My favorite quote is in final episode:
[The protagonist, Jang Jae Yeol, came as a guest in radio show that he used to be in as a dj]

Many people probably already know I am currently battling schizophrenia. Doctors say that 1 out of 100 people have this common illness and rather than it being an incurable disease, it is possible to return to normal life. I trust their words and I’m planning on trying my best. What I can do for those whom I love is never losing hope no matter what. For today’s good night words, instead of directing them to you (listener), I would like to dedicate them to myself instead. Up until now, I’ve always only asked how others feel and have said numerous goodbyes to them, but for myself, I haven’t once done the same for myself. Tonight, I also suggest you (not to ask others but) to ask yourself, “Are you really okay?” Check on yourself like this and do a warm “good night” to yourself. I wish you’d all do this. So, tonight as well; Good night, Jang Jae Yeol.

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Letters to my self

I wrote some letters to my self years ago. Surprisingly, its always comfort me. Maybe because I always find it when I face big trouble (actually its always): questioning future. First letter I wrote in 2006, my senior year of high school.
IMG_20150224_184328
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HB Jassin; Lahir dengan Batin

Semangat… semangat
Selalu juga terdengar-dengar
Semejak zaman mulai beralih
Kalbu bangsaku berkobar lagi

Sejak dari air kecil di celah bukit
Hingga mengombak tinggi di lautan lepas
Demikian tamsil jiwa bangsaku
Di sini membersit, di sana menggelora
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A woman’s heart

Just watched korean drama 아홉수 소년, unexpected good. It’s about men’s perspective about love. How they become slowly fall in love with a girl. My favorite quote is in episode 9 “The girl’s story”.

A woman’s heart is protected by layers of steel walls. So we ourselves don’t know what’s inside the walls or how to break them down. But our protected heart can change in the blink of an eye.
.
.
.
There is no special reason a woman opens her heart to a man. Sincerity that you feel with your whole body where no words or expressions are needed… that’s the only key that can open a woman’s heart.

Plus.Nine.Boys

Aftermath…

I was so nervous
I was so stupid
I was so careless
I was so rash
I was so annoyed with my self
I was so wrong
and I held back my tears so hardly

Until today I’ve been so down

Yesterday, a friend chatted on WA group and I was so surprised…

“temen labku dimarahi sensei waktu seminar, abis seminar dy pulang. looks like he’s crying”
kenapa dimarahi?
“yg kutangkep, intinya: `masa hal kayak gini d presentasikan di meeting, ditanya ini ga bisa jawab, ditanya itu ga bisa jawab` tp si bocahnya emang salah sih”

Wow, so similar with my experience last thursday.
Than I asked my friend “How are that friend doing now? Is he alright now?”

“abis dimarahi dia keluar
sorenya uda balik lagi
looks okay
move on
nangis terus move on”

.
.
.

Maybe I should do that too. Instead holding back tears and pretending to be okay, pretending to be strong… maybe all I have to do now is crying.
Sometimes, crying is the best thing to do, instead of running away.
Crying then moving on… I made mistake, and continuing making mistakes when I run away…

Serupa tapi tak sama

Nyari-nyari apa yang perlu di-posting, dan nemu notepad curhatan yang ditulis setahun yang lalu. Ini dia..

Hanya pendapat personal mengenai perbedaan pemikiran dalam organisasi-organisasi Islam. Hal ini juga dapat menjadi dasar pandangan mengapa mereka ada dan apa perbedaannya dengan aliran sesat yang kini kian marak.

Kelompok A vs Kelompok B
Kelompok A dalam sejarah merupakan kelompok pembaharu yang menegakkan prinsip Islam karena keadaan masyarakat yang terlalu becampur dengan umat agama lain, animisme dan dinamisme. Tapi perlu dikaji pula bahwa keadaan masyarakat saat itu berasal dari ajaran wali. Salah wali? Bukan. Jaman dulu wali mengajarkan tentang toleransi. Kalau ada yang masih ingat, daerah pantai utara seperti Kudus dan Pekalongan, kuliner khas daerah ini adalah soto yang hanya berbahan daging kerbau, walaupun saat ini mungkin sudah banyak yang menggunakan sapi. Namun alasan saat itu wali menganjurkan hanya menggunakan kerbau, adalah untuk menghormati umat Hindu. Apa kaum muda sekarang tahu? Tentu saja tidak. Yang keukeuh memegang tradisi menganggap kewajiban (saat ini sudah pudar), tanpa tahu sejarah asal mulanya, sedangkan yang melihat, menganggap kelompok tersebut mengkultuskan bahwa memakan daging sapi adalah haram. Padahal alasan wali sendiri semata-mata untuk menjaga perdamaian dan berdakwah dengan lembut. Toh saat ini terbukti Islam telah tersebar merata ke seluruh Pulau Jawa. Bayangkan kalau saat itu wali tidak bertoleransi dan Islam tidak dikenal sebagai agama yang membawa kedamaian, saya yakin masyarakat saat itu akan kesulitan menerima ajaran Islam. Continue reading

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